Let’s skip 2009 because it was my freshman year and all I wrote about were boys. Not a shock really, there wasn’t anything my 13 (or 14 year old) self wrote besides boys. But don’t we all go through that phase? Being a teenager means ranging hormones and confused feelings after all. There are some things in our lives that we put too much focus on back then, only to laugh or cringe about 5 or 10 years later. To spare anyone from bad poetry and entries about how one of my high school crushes had “amazing” eyes I’ll gloss on over to my sophomore year in high school 2010.
During my sophomore year in high school I discovered “America’s Next Top Model” and “Project Runway” which lead me to the world of fashion. Aside from that I also thought about putting a tune to most if not all of my poems. I was an ambitious teenage girl, this was also the same year I discovered my love for photography. So my journal back then was filled with sketches and pictures of a life I want to have the moment I turn twenty one. Sadly I’m almost twenty one and met none of the expectations my teenage self wanted.
June 02, 2010
…A nice blue long sleeved buttoned down shirt paired with a purple and black layered skirt and a black belt, leggings and red high heels. A “perfect” work outfit, so yes my fantasies of me being a guest judge in America’s Next Top Model is a long shot. But working in a magazine takes time so yes I also want my own magazine or work for Vogue and or Harper’s Bazaar either one would do. no and even a little bit of yes, I want fame and fortune but what I want is my dreams to come true. If it doesn’t, I prefer to die than to rot away in time seeing my dream fall into pieces. So cheers to life, dreams and the ARTS!
…Oh where is my knight in shining armor? That’s another thing I want so badly.
High school did change me however more on that in the next blog post. From a sad little girl who wanted to be an actress to this… I actually have no words for this. Maybe I watched The Devil Wears Prada too many times that year. Up until now I still love fashion, I still want to work for a magazine and maybe own a publication. I am still that ambitious little girl but maybe a little more rational. It’s not the way my teenage self pictured my twenties to start to be honest.
And trust me I read a page about how I wish my life by the time I’m 21 is like Gossip Girl. I kept my old journals to understand how I’ve changed in the past few years. What I’ve read made me cringe and wish a time machine existed so I could lecture my 15 year old self.
A love life, really can my teenage self be anymore of a High School drama cliche?
I would love to expound on this however most of you are already aware of my love life. So I’ll let my poetry do the talking for this one. But let me try to get my point across without anything abstract distracting you from the actual subject.
There is nothing wrong with being a hopeless romantic or trying to find love. Yes I said that, sure I can tell you that you should focus on your career or school. But then again you might let yourself become a robot who believes love is nothing but a waste of time. It’s not.
If you want to wait for the love of your life, then okay wait. If you want to date to see your options then go ahead date around. If you want a serious relationship then go for it. If you’re not ready then okay wait until you are sure. It’s your heart and it’s your life live the way you want to.
You’re 20, its your life not a sitcom or a movie
Let’s be honest, when we were kids or teenagers we had a vision of what our 20-something selves would be like. The usual would be successful and living life like a sitcom. But then we actually turn 20 and wonder if we sold ourselves short or not. Because right now I am panicking at the thought of graduating college. The moment I am handed my diploma I will have to fend to myself in this cold cruel world where finding a job that fits with my degree is one in a million.
Live the life you want, live the way that makes you happy because it’s your life! Enjoy it! Why let other people or the internet show you a life they think you should be living? As long as you’re not hurting anyone then do you and don’t be afraid.
Turning 20 isn’t exactly a big thing however it does open the doors to your twenties and the middle ground of youth and adulthood. It is a scary thought that not only am I close to my future but this is the future my 15 year old self did not imagine.