It’s still 2010, I had two journals during this time. One was filled with musings and dreams while the other is filled with poetry and songs. Take note, during this time in my life I was obsessed with Romeo & Juliet. I unironically watched different versions of the story. It wasn’t that I was a big Shakespeare fan, it was because I liked how the characters spoke to each other. I especially like the character Romeo well I think I preferred the idea he represents rather than the actual character.
Romeo was to me at the time someone who’d risk everything for his one true love. And being the hopeless romantic that I was in high school the idea of someone like that intrigued me. I’ve placed a few people on the pedestal and called them my Romeo to the point that a friend and I called a certain someone Romeo so no one else knew who I liked. Until I ended up writing twenty poems all entitled Romeo, each about three different guys I dubbed Romeo. Sadly none of my Romeos knew I wrote about them. They were all high school crushes I admired in the distance.
I close my eyes and I dream of you
I tell myself that this is true
Your smile makes me see
That you belong with me
I know that what I want is just another fantasy
How can what I dream ever be reality
Been told a thousand times but now I see
That there will never be a you and me
I just need you to know that I need you
But how can you hear me through
That wall that separates my dreams and reality
If only I’ve seen this before the truth has broken me
Every story needs a once upon a time
And a prince so can you be mine?
Every story need a happily ever after
So can you let that last forever?
I close my eyes and Dream of you tonight
With your arms that holds me tight
How and when can I let you know?
That you are my prince, my Romeo!
I actually remember who this was written for. He was a senior and maybe being a sophomore girl that thought every boy in her grade was immature was the reason I liked him. It’s funny re-reading my entries because I wrote about how he smiled at me on a specific day and then I even wrote down the first time we talked. In some ways, I found it amusing and in another, I now understand why my grades were plummeting at the time.
Seriously when I thought Romeo would forever be in my heart and brain i was surely mistaken. Dragon… he was the first person I ever noticed when I first went to school, seriously out of everyone I’d noticed. I don’t know why but when I saw him I just… fell. Why am I even thinking of him again? Is it because I suddenly saw him online and my heart once again jumped unsuspectingly and my eyes went big as if I just saw a sex scandal. But seriously when will I ever be truly over this guy? I chose to leave him behind along with other lost toys and shattered picture frames, but here is I just stared at his name hoping it would disappear but maybe that was not really my intention because it’s been so long. Maybe because I haven’t seen him in a long while the last time I saw him I went completely absurd and forgot not only how to spell PLATEAU AND HYGIENE but Romeo. I forgot Romeo.
I said there were three Romeos, did I mention there was also a dragon? Back then I was so enthralled with fairytales I decided to have every single metaphor relate to a specific fairytale. I guess my 14-year-old self saw herself in some sort of epic where she’s the princess waiting for her prince. Decidedly so, I created a character out of a former crush. It amuses me how I was more delusional with the idea of love rather than romantic.
What can I say? I was a literature nerd with no understanding of romance or love whatsoever. I was filled with innocence, this was before someone broke my heart and this was long before I broke someone else’s in the process. This was nothing but a doe-eyed fourteen-year-old girl’s rants about the boys she likes.
And that ladies and gentlemen, is why we were all idiots in high school. Hormones and a saturated misinterpretation of what love is about. I know I was an idiot and I stand with that fact because I have proof.
I honestly have nothing to reply to my fourteen-year-old self because that was written a month before The Boy December Once Knew. Oh, how I still label them poetically as if my life could be written as a book.
It could be however I chose to the internet over a thousand pages.