When I was fifteen I had very little experience with flirting. I didn’t know how to flirt or tell if someone is flirting with me. Because of this, I came off cold and uninterested. According to a few guys, it was hard to ask me out. But take note, I was only fifteen and I never considered myself as “pretty.” I didn’t have a line people who had a crush on me and give me chocolates during break time. No, I was a weirdo who loved talking about books and movies. This was a time where being a “geek” wasn’t a cool thing. It was a surprise to know anyone even liked me!
The VERY Obvious Signs
Then I had a crush on a boy whose favorite color was yellow. He was as optimistic and as cheerful as his favorite color. I tried my best to be subtle with him so I wouldn’t come off too strong. Sometimes I’d pass by his classroom because he sat by the window, at times I caught him looking at me. Being 15, I retreated to fantasies about what our relationship would be like. During lunch break he’d talk to me, sometimes I approached him first and sometimes it was him. We’d often chat on Facebook too.
My friends pointed out whenever I’m around he would try to get my attention. They’d tell me they heard he had a crush on me too. But I was still unconvinced. Were these signs he liked me? Or was he being friendly? Because who knew he might be really friendly and liked the attention.
One day he said I looked beautiful in my Facebook profile picture. I was completely blindsided when he said that because we were talking about “Forrest Gump.” How did a conversation the brilliant Tom Hanks turn to me? Of course, my profile picture was beautiful because it’s a great picture of me. Straight hair, make-up, and a pretty dress on. But I blushed because no one has ever called me “beautiful,” aside from family members.
He then continued asking questions about the picture. He even suggested I should wear my hair straight more often. He also said I had a pretty smile and “sparkling” eyes. He gave me a confidence boost at the same time giving me a fluffy feeling light feeling in the pit of my stomach.
A Conversation That Went In Circles
It was a Saturday, my parents weren’t home so I had the computer to myself. I wanted to spend the day watching movies. I ended up checking Facebook to see if he was online. He was. He ruined my Saturday plans of watching Tom Hanks Filmography because we talked almost the whole day.
I decided it was time to ask who he liked. I expected a simple answer, a name or say it was me. Instead, he told me to guess. It frustrated me because I was throwing names afraid to place mine on the list. Because I didn’t want to be wrong if I asked if it was me. I kept guessing and guessing and he still didn’t budge. So in my head, it isn’t me because if it was he’d tell me three guesses in. Nope, he let me name every girl in my year and every girl in his. I got impatient and logged off.
I told my friends and they called me dense. I decided to tell him how I felt. But I took too long planning how I should say it because he got a girlfriend. Apparently, he moved on because he thought I wasn’t interested.
We Haven’t Talked Since Then
We stopped talking when I couldn’t guess the right name. I’d see him in the hallway with his girlfriend and wonder what it would be like if that was us. I wasn’t heartbroken but frustrated. Why was it hard for me to read cues? But I moved on as soon as another cute boy crossed my path.
I was fifteen with raging hormones, so it didn’t take long for me to like someone else. It wasn’t the greatest heartache of my adolescence. In this story, he was someone who I could’ve been with. A “what if” scenario if I have done things differently. If I asked if he liked me or not. What if I told him I liked him right off the bat? Instead, we went in circles with unspoken feelings.