A few days before Christmas I was ready to say “I love you” and he said we should break-up. Guess who spent Christmas circa 2014 crying? Me! It sounds so sad and trust me it was so much more than that.

An Easy Beginning

I remember he told my friend he thought I was cute. She then urged him to add me on Facebook and start a conversation. I also thought he was cute because I met him a few weeks ago before he told my friend he was interested. It was a great coincidence because I spent a few weeks trying to remember his name. At first, I thought his name was Jason and it wasn’t but it did start with a “J” so I was pretty close. But for the sake of this story, I will call him Jace.

In my head, this could be fate. Plus it made things easier for me and I didn’t have to do my usual flirting tactics. I would basically look you up on Facebook and find an excuse for you to chat me up. This included posting videos of a band or show you “also” liked. Because I spent a few days stalking your profile to find out your hobbies and interests. It sounded creepy but that was when I thought it was desperate for a girl to ask a boy out. So I had to find a way for the people I’m interested in to make the first the move.

For Jace, he made it easy. After he added me, we started talking and got to know a little bit about each other. He majored in music and was in the orchestra. He asked me to hang out but he never gave me a date. He would always suggest we should hang out sometime but he never specified anything. I should’ve seen that as a red flag. But I didn’t and if I did I would’ve had a wonderful Christmas.

The Overcorrection

So when he wouldn’t tell me the when and the where, I was the one who set it up. He even bought me fries and a chocolate sundae. It was sweet. So the next few weeks after that, we already had generic terms of endearment for each other and I’ve met his sisters. He also waited for me after class and walked me home. For a while, he was this sweet guy who I saw as long-term relationship material.

I should probably mention I dated an asshole before him. Long story short, he kissed another girl and I ended things even when he apologized. So I was trying to overcorrect it with a seemingly sweet guy. At the same time, I was trying my best not to be the bitch this time. When Jace first showed interest in me most of my friends told me to go easy on him. Because I had a knack for breaking hearts.  Usually, I was the one who could care less, the one who was always late and wouldn’t bother to reply back.

I was really trying hard to make it work and correct my past attitude in relationships. But after the sweet moments, things started to seem shaky. He was suddenly too busy to have lunch or pick me up after class. At first, it was fine and then he stopped answering my texts and calls. I demanded him and I talk it out because I was not ready to end things. He said he was busy with academics, it was understandable because I was busy too. We dropped the issue and continued dating.

On The First Day of Christmas, My True Love Broke Up With Me

He texted meet him the next day.  I was excited I told him we should meet at a local cafe where our friend works at. Due to my excitement, I bought him apple pie to eat during breaks. He still had rehearsal so I told him I’d just wait at the cafe. And wait I did… for four hours I stayed there. My friend even felt sorry for me, he gave a latte on the house because I looked so sad. He texted Jace telling him I’ve been waiting at the cafe for nearly four hours. Jace texted back saying I should meet him at the University Gym.

Like the idiot I was I did what he asked me to. Nevermind the fact I waited for four hours and he didn’t even bother texting me. But there I was sitting on a bench as he tells me he’s too busy for a relationship. He also mentioned he was supposed to break-up with me after his orchestra performance. So he really wanted me to hurt, because he not only wanted me to waste four hours waiting for him he also wanted me to waste a ticket.

I wanted to scream at him but I ended up saying “I understand, it’s okay.” I walked home crying that day. I spent half the night crying and telling my friends he broke it off. I couldn’t sleep and kept replaying the moment over and over again. I imagined the possible scenarios that could’ve happened. But I had no way of changing the inevitable.

The Rage of Moving On

After crying, I suddenly got mad. I was mad at his excuse for breaking up with me. It was 3 A.M and I texted him. I told him his excuse was stupid and time could easily be adjusted. It was a long and angry text, he never replied. A few days later, I ran off to the beach to clear my head. Christmas wasn’t easy either when you’re surrounded by happily drunk relatives it was hard to be jolly. I spent my Christmas vacation writing sad poetry and Googling “How To Move On.” 

I spent the first month of the New Year angry. I was mostly angry at how he ended things. I relied on my friends and even a few strangers to justify my feelings. I wanted to ruin him. He broke me and I wanted to repay him. But even as I planned the ways I can get back at him, I avoided him.

Whenever I’d see him in the hallway I’d walk the other direction hoping he didn’t see me. I unfriended him on Facebook and unfollowed him on Twitter. I opted to stay away from him and avoid him for as long as possible. Because he was another major heartache I couldn’t handle. After being cheated on the last thing I needed was being brokenhearted on Christmas. I was able to move on after a while but it wasn’t easy. But as long I wasn’t Googling about my heartache I knew I was fine.

 

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