I am bisexual.
I don’t know the percentage I fall under because for the most part I mostly lean towards anyone I find appealing. Whether it’s their personality or how their presence makes me feel, gender was never part of my type. If you want to go a little technical then I can safely say a 50-50 of both men and women.
My coming out was not dramatic whatsoever because I never intended to come out at all. I was not in the closet nor did I feel like my sexuality was to be announced. If someone saw me date a girl after dating a guy or vice versa it should not be a big deal. Because of this mindset, I chose not to announce my sexuality but instead mention it if it ever comes up in conversation.
Here is me telling the internet how I finally embraced my sexuality and how I came out.
Growing up curious and confused
No one told me bisexuality was a thing. I grew up thinking there was only gay or straight when it comes to sexual preferences. The concept of liking both never crossed my mind until my third year of college.
I remember the first time I was attracted to a girl, I was 11-years-old and had recurring dreams of kissing a cute girl from my class. I would wake up confused trying so hard to shake it away. For a while it did. It wasn’t until my sophomore year of high school I found myself thinking of girls the way I thought about cute guys.
I was a hormonal teenager which made things harder to understand my feelings of attraction. Then I watched the first season of “Pretty Little Liars” and the scene of Emily kissing Maya came on screen. There was this warm and somewhat jealous feeling in the pit of my stomach which I couldn’t understand.
Most people don’t know the first time I kissed a girl was when I was 13-years-old in the sixth grade. The whole memory of it is blurry but I remember her lips were soft and I thought nothing of it. But seeing Shay Mitchell kiss a girl made me jealous because I wanted to have a makeout session with Shay Mitchell.
The next few years were spent wondering if I was gay or straight because I did not know there was another option besides one or the other. During my first year of college, I was convinced I was as straight as an arrow. I would make jokes about how I was too straight too function (“Mean Girls” reference how original of me) and how “boy crazy” I was at the time.
I’m Bisexual and everyone knew before I did
Throughout my first and second year in college, I would ignore feelings of attraction towards other women because I constantly reminded myself I was straight. However, my label did not stop other people from telling me what my sexuality actually was.
My friend’s ex-boyfriend asked me my sexual orientation and I told him I was straight –he did not buy it. He then told me I could be within the spectrums of bisexuality which made me laugh at the time. Now he wasn’t the first person to guess my preferences. I had one friend who said my usual haircut was the “bisexual haircut” –which was simply a bob cut.
Refer to this which I found in a Reddit thread:
Basically, my hair knew my sexuality before I did. The only time I actually said I was Bisexual was when I transferred colleges during my third year. I was on my way home and there was this really beautiful girl in the jeep she immediately stole my heart. It sounds cheesy but looking back I relished in those stolen glances on that 15-minute ride. Luckily, she also went to the same university.
I’ve only had brief encounters with her because whenever she was around I forgot how to talk. This was a normal reaction for me when I start liking someone –I get too nervous, my heart beats faster, and talking feels almost impossible. The next few months I wondered if I was gay because this girl was almost always on my mind.
One day, I asked myself why was I trying to only go in one direction? I obviously like girls and I also really like guys. It shouldn’t be one or the other because choosing only gave me a headache and an identity crisis. I came to the conclusion that there was no choice to make and that both men and women drive me crazy.
I see an amazing and attractive person my heart would palpitate in their presence regardless of their gender identity.
Until the first time, I said the word “bisexual” out loud for the first time felt right to me. Whenever I joked around calling myself straight felt like I was forcing myself to ignore another part of my sexuality. I spent a year learning more about the complexities of gender and sexual preferences because I wanted to understand it more.
I later came to the conclusion that attraction is complicated because there’s so much more to gender identity than just men and women. I still cling onto the label because it took me a few years to finally admit to myself that I’m not straight.
Calling myself bisexual helps explain so much of my confusion growing up and that it is okay to explore my sexuality.
Coming out was uneventful
No one was too surprised that I was bisexual. Sure there were a few shocks but most of the reactions I got from my friend were supportive and as if my sexuality was already obvious. The most memorable coming out is from my family.
There were no tears, no drama, nor a speech of how much they still love me as if being queer meant loving me any less. Instead, I was met with a chill response of “Okay,” but a few days after my coming out was the strangest reaction. We were watching “Glee” on Netflix then a scene of Santana and Brittany came on the screen. My mother then asked if I ever scissored a woman.
We never talked about my sex life with a man but apparently, my sex life with a woman seems more interesting.
Coming out to one half of my extended family was both frustrating and entertaining because they knew the bisexual stereotype. When I casually mentioned I was bisexual my extended family told me they felt sorry for my current partner who happens to be a man. According to them, my sexuality means I am unfaithful to my partners. I was too shocked at their reaction to point out monogamy isn’t related to sexuality.
At least I know now that if I were gay they wouldn’t give a flying fuck.
Proud and Queer standing right here
I am bisexual and it’s no big deal. Who I love doesn’t change my sexuality nor does it mean I’m open to a threesome.